My mom is yelling at my brother and I overheard...
Mom: GO TO YOUR ROOM
Brother: that's not fair
Mom: DO AS I SAY.
Brother: You never send Lizzie to her room when she's in trouble!!
Mom: Lizzie never leaves her room. If she were in trouble I'd make her sit in the living room or go outside or talk to human beings.
Me: I CAN HEAR YOU.
my mom once told me there are 40 years old men out on the internet pretending to be 16 years old girls just to kidnap and rape me she never told me about the 16 years old girls who want to kidnap and rape 40 years old men
(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”
How I want to be cheered up if I'm down.
totally-relatable: So many funny relatable posts in this blog!
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urlsquatter: I forgot the word “reindeer” today so I described them as “Christmas llamas” why
timelordy-teganbreann: jamtards: instead of wife swap they should do blog swap where they force two bloggers from different catagories to act like the other for a week and try to fit in Imagine a hardcore hipster being thrown into the fandom side of tumblr
Me: Ugh, why isn't my pizza done yet?
Mom: It's been in for three minutes. Just wait.
Me: I DID MY WAITING!
Mom: Oh, god, not again.
Me: TWELVE YEARS OF IT!
Mom: Every time.
Me: IN AZKABAN!